Tag Archives: daughter

The Grateful Series: Touching the Heart

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(My hug-friendly family exploring Boston – Summer of 2018)

Luke 8: 42-45…As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelves years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.

This is a great story in Luke’s Gospel. The essential human instinct of reaching out in faith for help. Or love. Or Sympathy. Compassion. In this case, reaching out in faith to be healed. Jesus knew someone had touched him for that reason, because he felt the power go out of him when she touched his cloak. She trembled at his feet explaining why she had done what she did, and how she had been instantly healed. Jesus replied, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

We take our sense of touch completely for granted. Many people are without sight or hearing, but nearly everyone alive has the ability to feel…to touch. Even as I type on this MacBook I’m not quite used to working on, my fingertips feel the slight sting as my hands try to keep up with my brain. We spend all day, everyday, processing the sense of touch. Thank you, God, for this miracle you’ve provided.

In Part 5 of this Gratitude Series, here are 5 things that touch my heart, to which I give great thanks to the Lord.

1. Holding Hands with My Daughters. They are 21 (nearly) and 17 now, so it doesn’t happen often these days. But the mental image in my mind of raising them will always be strolling along (anywhere we went) holding their hands. There is magic to that between a parent and child when they hold hands. It doesn’t just provide sense of security and love to the child. The magic flows back into the parent as well. By far, my favorite feeling of touch as a Dad has been holding their hands. The feeling is stored deep in my heart.

2. There are a great many things between a husband and wife that aren’t to be shared in a public forum. Most cherished instances of touch fall into that category. Suffice it to say, they are there with us, too, and they shall go without saying. But the sweetest can certainly be put on record. The feeling of my wife stroking my hair as we sit on the couch watching whatever we may be viewing. I adore that feeling.

3. A sincere and real hug. Without question, I’m a hugging type person. If I like you, it doesn’t matter what gender you are or who you may be, eventually, and probably often, you’ll be hugged by me. There exist several different types of hugs, and it’s a fun thing to Google sometime if you’re interested. But the best are the kind that come with a warm smile and enthusiastic embrace. One of the best huggers I’ve ever met served with me on a praise team for many years. That woman gives great hugs. Nothing weird about it, and no extra implications. She just hugs people for real. That’s a great feeling. My family has always been a group of huggers (as shown above). It means a great deal more than most people ever realize…to be hugged.

4. The sensation of water touching your skin. Getting into a warm shower. A hot tub. Pool. Slipping into a mineral bath in a luxurious spa. Wading into the ocean. There is a sense of home built into our DNA when we enter water (totally made that up but it seems right), and it’s triggered by our sense of touch as the water hits our skin.

5. My drumsticks. They’ve always felt perfectly natural in my hands. As if they were merely an extension of my fingers that my brain instantly controlled. They make reality of the rhythm playing in my mind. I like the smoothness of the wood. The exactness of the weight. I’m not one of those drummers that can do entertaining circus tricks with their drumsticks. That’s not me. I know that it’s showmanship and people enjoy it, but I find it disrespectful to the art. Like a monkey doing tricks at a zoo. My desire is to create music that moves another soul in all the right ways. Drumsticks? Are the tools that make that happen.

Gary Abernathy

 

 

 

The Grateful Series: 10 Things My Eyes Love to See

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Hebrews 12:28 (NIV)…Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.

Every person in Christ has important teachers that are sent during the journey home. I’m no exception to this, and one of those teachers has been a Southern Baptist preacher in Nashville, Tennessee. The funny thing is? He has no idea I even exist. “Pastor Mike” at Brentwood Baptist has taught me one particularly valuable lesson: Authenticity. Through a friend, I’ve visited his church several times, and I’ve watched countless of his sermons online. It’s a large place, so I’m just another face, but he’s meant a great deal to my growth.

As a Southern Baptist leader, Mike is expected to talk about America’s secular culture and its threats to the Christian community. Too many of his peers uphold that responsibility by snarling and gnashing their teeth at the people not going along with the biblical game plan. Mike doesn’t operate in that fashion. For one thing, he never snarls…at anything. However, I’ve learned to understand his body language and his vocal cadence, and I know when he’s gnashing and who it is directed at: His congregation. Us. The Christians.

Mike spends every sermon series doing one thing – Teaching his people how to be authentic. He understands that snarling and gnashing only gets back in return…the same. For a Christian to be the lighthouse that draws in the weary and broken to Christ, they actually have to BE a lighthouse. So Mike is always building lighthouses. He’s a construction manager more than anything else. God put my eyes and ears onto Mike to teach me a thing or two, and I’m extremely grateful for that.

In that spirit of authenticity, I’m starting what I’m simply calling – The Grateful Series – in which here on Oak Tree we will move through the 5 senses God provided for us to experience his creation, as well as a 6th that we’ll call, “the mixed bag of unique gifts,’ and I’ll list things I’m personally grateful for in that particular sense. It’s my belief that when we are teaching or leaning a new thing, such as authentically being what you claim to be, the only place to start is to go back to the basics. The fundamentals. There is nothing more fundamental in belonging to Christ than to be – Grateful. I’d encourage and hope that you’d make your own lists after reading mine. These type of exercises might seem silly, but they’re highly effective in helping to instill things that will stay in your mind and heart. Gratitude in your heart? That’s a splendid gift to possess.

Here are 10 Things My Eyes Love to See.

1. The way the morning sun coming through our windows falls gently on the skin of my wife. I truly love that moment. It gives a sense of pureness and true beauty. It’s a gift.

2. A fresh and whole Dungeness crab sitting on plate before me. It’s a beautiful blessing and a rare treat from his bountiful ocean. My favorite meal. Concerning my love of this crustacean, I often say to friends and family, “If I ever found myself on death row, the first thing I’m asking for as my last meal…is Dungeness crab.” True story 🙂

3. The way my oldest daughter navigates with expertise places she’s never been. It’s unreal. I’ve put that girl on the streets of NYC or Boston, and I’ve taken her on backwoods trails and rocky cliffs. She sets a faster pace than me so she’s always ahead, and I love to just walk behind her and watch her go. Once in 2016, I watched her learn the entire London Tube System in like 10 minutes. It’s impressive to see.

4. A chilled, crisp bottle of Pinot Grigio being opened by my wife. When I see this, I know that soon to follow we’ll be having some type of great conversation that twists and turns. We’ll laugh. We might cry. But whenever the wine cork is lifted up from the bottle…a special time with my wife is about to happen.

5. The way my wise-for-her-years youngest daughter looks at me when she is trying to settle my anxiety. For many years I’ve referred to her as “my handler.” She understands me. Makes me better, because she’s so good. If I’m in a tornadic bluster of emotion, or riddled with an anxiety attack of some sort? Call for Marissa. She’ll fix me.

6. A weight scale reading lower than I was mentally prepared to see. Yes, I know this is a bit of vanity to care, but I’m working really hard on my health in general, and it’s great encouragement when you get a surprise reading lower than you thought it would be. I’ll take that sight all day, everyday 🙂

7. The view from a mountain summit after spending a large amount of energy and spunk to get to that spot. Hiking has become a deep passion of mine in my 40’s and now early 50’s, and I find the visual rewards of the places God has brought me to be some of the most beautiful things I’ll ever see in this life. One of those moments is pictured above. That shadow is me. I had just conquered the longest, most difficult trail I’ve done at this age – Profile Trail at Grandfather Mountain, NC – and I was elated to say the least 🙂

8. The first glimmer of the ocean coming into sight after a long drive to get there. I grew up with a mother who loved the beach. We lived roughly 175 miles from it, and there was no quick interstate to get us there. It was a long haul to a little kid to get to the beach, and she took us a lot. It was all worth it when you’d finally see the ocean coming into view as you turned off Hwy. 17 in South Carolina and headed for the sea. Most of my entire generation of Carolina kids get that same warm feeling when they see the Atlantic. It feels like home. It feels like family.

9. My friends. All of them. Their faces, their laughs, their personalities. I love my friends. And I love to see them coming.

10. Anything in the natural world that reminds me that God actually did create all this, and it’s certainly no accident. You see him in the trees and plant life. In the flowers and bees. In his wild animals. In the clouds. The storms. He’s everywhere. An unimaginable system of chaos becoming perfection.

 

Gary Abernathy

To Be a Godly Husband and Parent

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(Photo taken by me of my family in San Diego, California Summer 2015)

Colossians 3: 19-21…Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

In the United States, this is a strange time in our history to be raising a traditional (western sense) family. The support systems and structures of the American family are crumbling in all directions. If no deeper reflection is taken, this is quite threatening to traditionalists and desperately frightening. Wrong is now right, right is now wrong, dark is good, light is bad. At least that’s how it feels to many Americans. But is that really so? Was right really right before, and wrong really wrong? Was light true light? Was dark true darkness?

History is always written by the victorious. For traditional Americans, the past was glorious and the present is an abomination to its legacy. It’s like when you go to a funeral and the person that has passed away is only spoken of in the best possible memories and thoughts. But that person was just as deeply flawed as the rest of us here on earth. We are only presenting the best of what we experienced from them in their lifetime. We whitewash the negative. The victorious do the same with history. The life structures of man are merely a byproduct of what he’s been taught. We were taught one way, and today they teach a new way. Guess what? If it’s worldly, it’s all just a flip of a coin. It’s just darkness taking turns who gets to be the good guys and who are the bad guys in the ongoing deception that separates mankind from the Creator. I made a decision long ago that I would not follow the trends of the world raising my family. I would follow God.

To be a Godly husband and parent runs counter in every way to being a worldly version of either. It’s as if you’re on an inner tube trying to use your hands to paddle – upstream. Against a powerful current. Temptations by the millions rushing past you trying to get you to just let go and let the current take you easy. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” That reads like truly sound advice. Because it truly is sound advice. It’s Godly instruction. But to put it into practice? I send you back to the imagery of your hands paddling upstream. You can’t do that alone. You’re not strong enough. Only the strength of Christ can push you up that current.

To be a Godly husband and parent is to possess the Fruit of the Holy Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. For it’s these qualities that allow a man to fulfill Paul’s ordained instructions in the matter. It’s not you…us…we. It’s the Spirit. When one of my daughters does something that angers me as a parent, how I react is going to make all the difference in the world for her future. Early as a father, my reactions were mostly born from – me. I’m a fairly decent sort, so sometimes I got them right just by my nature. But I’m also the same flawed human as everyone else, so when I allowed my anger to dictate, it got ugly in a hurry. Anger is not listed among the fruits of the Spirit. Patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control are. As God has continued his purging of me from me, and filled back with his fruit, my reactions have become more aligned with the ultimate goal of the family – peace and love. The same goes with my marital relationship. Where selfishness once held a primary role in my regard, now there is a partnership of goodness and kindness. Faithfulness. As a family we are united. Not perfect. But harmonious in our loyalty to each other. That’s of God. Not the world.

Any Christian pastor worth his salt when counseling a couple about to be married will tell them – Always keep Christ in the Center of your marriage. My wife and I were blessed with such a pastor at that time, and his words (instructions) have never left us. They’ve seen us through the entire 20 year ride to date. It’s for that reason I love the picture I included in today’s post. My wife and children sitting happily under that cross in California. It’s the perfect symbolism of what God has done for our family. Our shelter. Our refuge. My job to be the same type of shepherd for them as Christ is for me. That’s what it is to be a Godly husband and parent.

What is the status of your own marriage and family? Are you going with the current, or are you powered by Christ upstream against the waves of the world?

It matters not what the trends of mankind are in any given era including this one. The war has already been won. Jesus is Victorious. My best advice to you? Follow the winner.

Gary Abernathy